Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
