hotel room ftw
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
not ubering you a puppy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
