Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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