We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
