The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
