I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
