my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
