she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
