i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
