He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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