i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
