i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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