my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
