I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
