at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
