I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
