I wish my penis had an off switch
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
