You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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