You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My dick has a subreddit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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