ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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