Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
