i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
