Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
