I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
