I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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