Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
