if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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