he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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