even my farts smell like vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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