right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
