Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
