tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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