so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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