Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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