So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
