i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
