Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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