So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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