i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
