I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
