when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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