chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
