Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
