Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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