need another drink. this is the easiest way
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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