Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
