my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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