You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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