the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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