He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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