U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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