Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
