maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
