Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
