I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
