he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
