you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
