Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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