Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my liver is dry heaving
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
