She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
