just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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