So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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