I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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