brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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