Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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