yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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