it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wear drunk well.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
